Ridiculous Illnesses

I understand getting sick and contracting viruses is all part of the "circle of life" if you will. But some illnesses are stupid. For instance, UTIs (urinary tract infections). Why on earth do we need an illness that makes your pee hurt. YOUR PEE! Peeing is already a pain - not literally - and takes too much time and frankly I wish I could just not go, or have a little baggie attached to me (but you still have to empty that...), or wear depends or...anyways, you get my drift.

The reason I complain you ask? I get them. ALL. THE. TIME. I get them when I use the wrong soap in the shower, when I go swimming, sometimes after sex, when I take a bath, when I don't drink enough water, when I think about cranberries, when I think about sex, or just for no damn reason at all. I tend to think my body hates me, or maybe it's trying to remind me that generally I am 100% healthy and I need a kick in the crotch - that is literal - to remind me to be grateful for my body. But I'd rather throw up once in a while or get a cold or a fever or anything other than pain like a hot curling iron searing my insides.

Alas, tis my lot in life to wrestle with these little beasts. I probably shouldn't really complain, it's not like it's cancer, nor will it kill me. Eventhough I feel like I would like to die sometimes. The end.

The Nobel Peace Prize

Everyone has been ragging on Obama since day one of his presidency, and now it has just gotten worse. I have a few points I want to make about Obama and the fact that he just won the Nobel Peace Prize.

#1 - I love Obama. I may not know every intricacy about what he is doing in office, and call me old fashioned or crazy, but I just have a good feeling about him. Every time I have heard him speak or read a speech of his, it feels and sounds sincere and honest. I do not believe he intends to take America down in flames. His intentions are solid and good.

#2 - He is trying. Why does everyone feel the need to pick him apart so early on? Lets give this man a chance!

#3 - Other countries LOVE him. That is something we need right now. We should be grateful.

#4 - Have we all forgotten what R-E-S-P-E-C-T means?! (I feel like singing now...) It's hard enough to gain respect in my life let alone being in the public eye 24-7 like he is. Lets be decent for once and have some respect for our PRESIDENT!

#5 - Lets pick apart this whole Nobel Peace Prize bit. First of all, I can see where people are a tad bit frustrated and flabbergasted that 11 days or whatever it was after his election he was nominated for the Peace Prize. Well people, he didn't nominate himself and when he was awarded the Prize he stated he didn't deserve it. Now lets not all be sassy and sarcastic and say we all deserve a Nobel Peace Prize. He IS the first black president after all! Maybe it's not even necessarily HIS ideas alone or what he plans to do with his presidency but more of the symbolism of him being in office. Maybe it means America is ready for change. Ready for more peace and tolerance. Maybe the idea of President Barack Obama gives people hope and he has a strong will and desire to make that hope a reality. Maybe because he is such an honorable, sound man his plans and ideas will work! And when they do, I hope all you nay-sayers are put in your place.

Because I don't know about you, but I am definitely ready for change. BIG change.

I'm Jealous of my Husband

So today I went to an art supply store to get Micah some new fancy pencils. (Yes fancy pencils exist and are important dammit!) The entire time I'm there, I'm first off, desperately trying to not buy the whole store, and secondly, quickly burning up with jealousy. Micah's degree gives him presents. YES PRESENTS. What the hell? All I got from my schooling experience was classmates pinching my fat with skin calipers day in and day out and the permanent smell of formaldehyde wafting from my clothes for an entire semester.

I loved my major, I did. And I cannot wait to be doing by dream job. But I still am jealous. Micah gets massive amounts of new art supplies every semester, and little gifties throughout. Then he goes to "class" where he gets to draw, paint, design, and PLAY! Ok...I know art is a tough field, but seriously, the major sounds like a complete blast.

On top of all that...I'm his sugar momma. I work 40 hours and cook 99% of what we eat, do the finances, and I could just go on and on and on. All he has to do is walk to school, scribble some doodles for a couple hours, and come home and clean up the apartment. Um...what the hell was I thinking when I was in school? I'm sure I could have strung some silly man along long enough for him to put me through school, right?

Jealous. One of these days I'm going to make him make it all up to me...

Sweden

Ok, so I'm officially obsessed with Sweden. I randomly spit out the thought of moving there over gmail chat to a friend and then the rest of the day I couldn't shake it. It was like I knew what I wanted before I knew I wanted it.

First I started with jobs, perused around to see what things were available. (Found this awesome game design job...um sounds like Micah's dream job. I think it's a sign.) Then I moved onto apartments. I've never seen such modern sexy 1 bedroom apartments before in my life. Then I moved onto houses. All I have to say is - shut the front door! There are these amazing cottage style homes with huge gardens and stunning views with 3 -4 bedrooms for under $100,000 USD. THEN I look at the climate there - and it's amazing. The winters hover around freezing (32 degrees) and the snow is beautiful then the summers hover around 75 degrees. I think Sweden is my heaven. Add all that up, then the fact that Sweden is all about energy conservation (a lot of the houses have solar panels lining the roof that provide all the electricity you need), they have strict laws on the care of farm animals, universal health care, a year long paid maternity AND paternity leave not to mention the home of IKEA!!!!!!!!!! Oh and so much more (Those of you reading this - no worries, this won't happen til Micah is done with school .) But...Ah! I don't care about the details all I know is...

I want to go to there.

Now.

And never ever leave!

I am a double standard

I am a proud rule breaker. I am a proud rule breaker of stupid rules. And yes, they definitely exist.

I think the fact that I-15 is 65 mph is ridiculous. I think all freeways that have more then 3 lanes should be at least 75 mph. So - that's how fast I drive. OK, I drive about 80, but that's what I would do if the speed limit was 75; it all makes perfect sense.

I think the fact that you can't walk on GRASS in certain areas of my alma mater is asinine. It's grass! Do people understand that grass is a WEED that we have immortalized into some sort of god that we worship by watering and trimming obsessively? Grass was made to be walked on and laid in. Whenever I see those signs I'm like the north pole of a magnet drawn to the south pole; I have no control. The cosmos force me. I crave to immediately stomp all over it, smother it, lay down and roll all over it. Kind of like the impulse I ALWAYS have when I'm in a elevator all by myself to push all the buttons upon my departure of the elevator. Why oh WHY is it so funny? Yes, I think I am still 7 years old. I also adore blowing bubbles and puppies and kittens and headbands. So sue me.

But there are rules I think aren't stupid like, drunk driving. Come on now, seriously? I think everyone should have Breathalyzers in their car that are required for engine turn over. However, they are not required and I'm sure the offenders of this rule feel the same way I do about the rules I like to break. Granted killing someone in a car wreck and deadening some grass are obviously quite different consequences, but still. It makes you think.

What about us crazy affection needing mammals makes us want to incessantly break rules? Why do I feel soooooo good defying that sign that says please stay off the grass? Is it because I feel like I am better than the person who decided these signs were a good idea and necessary? Is it because I feel like my opinions and knowledge matter more then theirs?

Yes. And to quote my new friend Lindsay "Life would be a lot easier if everyone would just think like me."

The Invisible Stall Mate

OK, I know this is my third post today. I wish I didn't have weird outbursts of thoughts timed perfectly with boring ruts at work, but I do - so deal with it. I just start writing and then everything that happens to me makes me think. This just happened a few hours ago when I went to take a tinkle.

Why do women (I can't say men cause I've never tinkled in a men's bathroom) pretend no one else is in the ladies room with them? First of all, it's old school to think women don't fart - or poop for that matter. Secondly, the acoustics in a bathroom are phenomenal, so the noises that are made in there are multiplied by 80 million in an effort to remind us that no one is perfect. I believe they were designed that way to humble us. No one's shit doesn't stink 100% of the time, so stop being all high and mighty. Thirdly, it makes it MORE awkward when you pretend no one is sitting right next to you listening to all the sound and fury, when they obviously are.

I have taken up a hobby of studying people's footwear/toes to see if I can identify my poop buddy whilst chilling on the toilet. Too bad I started a new position and moved buildings and had to start all over - I was getting pretty good. Because the best thing to break the awkwardness (for me) is to actually talk to whoever is in there! *GASP* But it seems like if it's someone you don't know well, they get embarrassed and shuffle out real quick. So like usual, I have to try to think before I blurt something out that could embarrass someone else. Remember Jen, just because you don't get embarrassed and think that awkward situations are funny, 95% of the world does not, and so forcing my weirdness on them is not fair. Like today, I went to tinkle and my stall buddy sneezed. It took everything in me to not say "Bless You!" cause what if we came out at the same time and she was all embarrassed because I recognized she was next to me tinkling too.

I am very curious as to why this phenomenon began and why it hasn't been remedied since the book "Everyone Poops" was published. I thought that pretty much took care of everything right there.

I <3 This Picture

Words cannot describe how much I love this picture. I mean, a tiny fluffy kitten hugging Jesus? How could the adorable awesomeness get any better?

New Age Hippie

That is what I have decided to title myself as - a "new age hippie". Not that I particularly want to be or like being generalized into ANY kind of category, but I feel like that is the best way to describe myself and lifestyle in as few words as possible. Recently at work, I have taken the time I am not busy to explore ways to be more green, healthy, and consequently more liberal. (My grandfather, father of 7, college professor, faithful church goer and lover of all goodness - who also calls horse poo shit and is married to a woman who doesn't like the word "darn" - just recently proclaimed that God is a liberal and it makes me feel much better about life. I also discovered that my grandparents, whom I always figured were super conservative, have voted democrat their whole lives and don't like people that don't like/voted for Obama. My grandparents rock.)

So, I already am vegan, plan on using cloth diapers and making my own baby food, having non-medicated births, maybe even home births, am pro-gay rights and marriage, and I use Tupperware over plastic baggies and screw in my little High Efficient light bulbs. I also like to yell at my husband when he lets the shower run for 10 minutes before he gets in it. OK, so some of that makes me a little hippie-ish, right?


Well now I am onto a whole new level of craziness. I started looking at how much paper we waste on napkins, paper towels, toilet paper etc., and these are not JUST tree hating products, but the resources and pollution that go into packaging these products makes me a little ill. So, here is my resolution: switch to all cloth. You heard me cloth. Cloth napkins, cloth towels, cloth TOILET PAPER! So probably right now most of you have just made a silent oath to never come over to my house ever in my existence - however, I will keep some "guest rolls" of the regular stuff tucked away for such occasions. Please don't let me scare you away.


Side note: I am not the type of person to force my lifestyle and beliefs on anyone else. I do however hope to make people re-think some of their beliefs, re-evaluate, and maybe make some changes for the better. Hence the "new-age" in my self proclaimed title; I'm not going to sit on your porch with daisies in my hair singing Kum-bi-yah waiting for you to switch to cloth toilet paper and squeeze your babies out in your backyard.

However I have come into a small dilemma because to fulfill my dream of cloth toilet paper I also want to install a bidet. I have always loved the idea of really getting clean with a bidet, plus it would make the whole process much more clean and less smelly. My dilemma is a) we live in a tiny apartment with two cats and we can't attach any kind of permanent fixtures and b) we only have like, 3 rolls of paper left and I don't have a sewing machine to make little square cloth toilet wipes. This gives me very little time to make the change. So what does a girl do?! Do I wait for another 6 months until we are out of this shoebox apartment whilst every day agonizing over the waste I am creating as I wipe my bum? Well regardless I'm sure I'll figure it all out - and definitely make sure to include you all in this fantastic new adventure!

Fortune Cookies

It has been a while since I got a real "good" fortune cookie. The definition of a fortune is (thank to m-w.com): a hypothetical force or personified power that unpredictably determines events and issues favorably or unfavorably.

• Your friends are near by when you need them. - duh, that's why they're my friends
• You are wearing a hat. - um, that is not a fortune.
• Tomorrow, take a moment to do something just for yourself. - That is a good goal, but no, not a fortune.
• Take it easy.

Seriously?

BUT - I got two great ones in a row at our favorite Chinese restaurant that has delicious vegan food.

#1 - Your luck is about to change. Whammo. That's awesome
#2 - Luck is the by-product of busting your fanny. Ok, I will admit, this is more like parental advice, or more like advice from your really cool uncle, but I thought the fact that I got these two in a row really meant something. My luck is about to change, but to have that happen, BUST YOUR FANNY!

So this spurred a quick conversation with me, our waiter Brandon (who totally has a thing for me, Micah and I both agree), and Micah about us writing very specific saucy/scary fortunes. See my examples:

• You will contract an illness of major significance in the next 6 weeks.
• You will meet a drag queen named Peachy Cream sometime in the next year. Do whatever she tells you to.
• On September 17, 2015 you will find $200,000 dollars lying in the streets.
• Next time you go shopping, buy a purple polka-dotted item that costs $10-20. It will always bring you good luck.
• The next dark haired blue eyed man/woman that winks at you is your future spouse.

Now those would be awesome!

Flaccid Penis

I got your attention didn't I?

That is the phrase that distracted me a few days ago at work. Here is the story.

I'm minding my own business at my desk at work when I thought I heard the word "erection" escape the lips of one of my co-workers. This particular co-worker has her masters in nursing and mid-wifery and we sell a sexual health supplement that helps with circulation, so it didn't phase me too much; however it did peak my interest. (I am proud to admit that I LOVE eavesdropping, especially in awkward first date situations and anything weird or slightly entertaining.) So I begin to eavesdrop and also begin wishing that I could hear the other end of the conversation but that's where my fantastically vivid imagination makes eavesdropping fun! So as I am listening I then hear "I don't think the size of the flaccid penis matters." I pretty much lost it at that point. Not because that sentence is not well formed, academically or anatomically incorrect, nor even that inappropriate if said in a doctors office. However, I do not work in a doctors office nor do people talk in my workplace often of genitalia; at least not out loud or publicly. So basically what I am saying is: it was hilarious.

So I start to laugh and my co-worker at this point is now trying not to laugh and this situation immediately moved into the top 10 most funny moments at work. One of the others has to do with an orange peel dropped onto my desk over the top of my cubicle (so the culprit remained anonymous) shaped like a penis, oddly and funny enough. When the culprit was finally identified and confronted, he claimed it was an elephant. No matter what the intent was a) it definitely looked just like a penis - balls and all - and b) the talent to do that amazed me; he must have spent numerous fumbles perfecting this art of peeling an orange - all in one solid peel, no stapling, taping, anything- into the shape of anything recognizable.

The word penis itself is just a funny word. I studied exercise science in college and have respect for the human body and do not find many things embarrassing or hilarious on their own in an anatomical sense, but stories that involve farting, burping, your daily BM, diarrhea, and some body parts is just humorous. Here comes story numero two.

I'm in anatomy lab my freshman year of college, everyone is sitting around a table and we are talking/learning about male anatomy (of course they leave that until the end of the semester). There is a nice scaled down male torso replica/model standing on the end of the table and suddenly, out of nowhere with no breeze or bump, the little tiny penis falls off the model and starts rolling down the table - the entire length of it. (Apparently my apartment counter tops aren't the only uneven surfaces in the world.) It rolled slowly and methodically right past all our notepads and copious note taking. It even made a little sound as it rolled. It took all my strength to not bust out with hysterical laughter and fall out of my chair and onto the floor. Other than my girlfriend next to me, everyone was stone faced. How would anyone, with any sense of humor at all, not find that funny? With that said, I will end now, leaving you dreaming of notetaking, limpness, and laughter.

Life of a Carnie

I am a carnie. I have an obsession with juggling too many oddly shaped things once. I need to be busy. I crave being busy. When I'm not busy I waste my life away on seasons of 24 and shopping online. If I can keep myself busy busy busy I get so much accomplished; as long as I don't over do it and collapse. Oh the balance is like walking the tight rope! Ok, enough circus puns.

So this past month has been full of moving, creating a wedding announcement for my cousin, planning for the wedding, helping her with her makeup for her bridal photos, making a photo book for her reception, getting together with old friends and making plans to go dancing (so excited for that), having my 14 year old brother come for a long weekend, helping Micah with his math homework, trying to sell my car, and still working 40 hours a week, attempting to continue to workout for an hour or more a day, cooking, cleaning, kittens, and the list goes on. I have been looking forward to this weekend to celebrate my anniversary, go get pedicures with Micah, cash in my birthday massage from Micah, watch LOTR extended versions trilogy (it's what we do for our anniversary and it's a kick ass tradition if I may so myself - later we dress up like Arwen and Aragorn and talk sexytalk in elvish and turn each other on - you should see my genuine LOTR elvish robes hanging in my closet) and just plain relax and sleep! It's going to be great.

But after this long weekend (I took Monday off for Anniversary frivolities) I will need a new project. Any ideas? Anyone need a wedding announcement made up? (I'll attach some files soon of the finished project. Apparently blogger doesn't accept pdf formatted files. LAME-O!)

New Position!

I got a call last Friday that offered me a new position in the High Rise at NuSkin! It pays more money, I'm off the phones and out of the call center (finally! - this place makes me depressed). I start on Monday August 24 and will post more about what the job entails and how I like it! Right now I'm just counting down the days. 5 days, 5 hours, and 18 minutes to go. Phew.

The Interweb

So I'm sitting at work doodling my time away on Facebook and Gmail - the interweb in general is a great way to idle my time, for example I just spent 20 minutes ordering free teeth whitening kits because of the interweb's superior advertising mechanisms. I'm sure you've seen the add titled "Secret Teeth Whitening Combo Discovered By A Mom Who Spent Just $10." check it out at www.CathysTeethWhiteningSuccess.com - when I come to a realization. The Internet is amazing. I had that realization for the first time in the 6th grade when AOL Instant Messenger came out and I begged my mom to buy AOL (which we all know has terrible customer service and no one uses anymore) so I could talk to boys. I was too scared to do that even on the phone.

I also remember that AOL was like, the only Internet provider at first, and we got probably a dozen free trial CDs in the mail per week, plus free ones that were handed out at the grocery store, the bank, school, the playground, I swear I remember seeing them sitting out everywhere, like a CD plague, so my brothers and I started experimenting on them. We discovered if you put them in the microwave they semi-explode then make a cool matrixy design on the back. Oh the days of boredom that drove us to put random things in the microwave. Those days were good. Now that I think about it I have no idea how our microwaves survived, but I don't ever remember having it replaced...I also think this legacy started with my Dad back in the day when my older brother was a wee little nugget. Yes, here comes the story.

My mom left the two boys at home and my dad decided to try to cook an egg (a raw egg in its shell) in the microwave. You can tell microwaves were still kind of newish, because there is no logic behind this idea. DO NOT TRY THIS. It exploded ALL over the microwave and my mom says it stunk like rotten eggs for days. That is nasty. So apparently it was in our genes to play with the microwave. Thank you Percy LeBron Spencer for your glorious invention. And thanks Wikipedia. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Percy_Spencer

I reiterate again, I love the Internet.

I cannot believe myself!

If anyone read my previous post, I apologize for my HORRENDOUS spelling errors. I guess I'm so narcissistic and confident in my superior spelling skills that I didn't even bother with spell check. That was a big mistake.

I guess it bothers me so much because I am anal about grammar and spelling and no one in America knows how to use or speak English. Oh how I am a big contradiction! I take an oath to my vast followers that I will never stoop that low again and disappoint you.

Livin Easy in the Projects

As per request from my dear friend Brindi, I am back to blogging. I promise I will try to be better from now on. Life has been a tad rocky the past month because of a super last minute move. We now inhabit an apartment that has new carpet, paint, and fixtures thanks so the drug addict that ruined them all when he lived there. Thanks Meth, crack, pixie dust, chronic, Mary J, whatever he was on when he lived there. That is the first sign, well second sign, I received that we may be living somewhere slightly ghetto. (Of course not full blown ghetto because we are still in Utah...). The first sign was the guy (our new neighbor) who fed us the information of this past apartment dweller. He is the nicest guy, but is covered in tattoos (like on his scalp and face) and drinks out by his Caddy that has 2 10" subs in the trunk that shake our windows, nightly. He brings the party to the parking lot.

Speaking of which, when we first moved in our neighbor's brother in law and his "rough looking" friends offered 3 times to help us move boxes up to our apartment. I love when you get taught a lesson of not judging a book by its cover. When we moved out of our last house, the truck was in our driveway for 6 hours and not one of our "super nice", rich, christian neighbors offered help. Nadda, nothing, zilch. (With that said - note to everyone reading this, PLEASE call us if you are moving and need help. We would love to help! I am a pro at moving now and you can work me like a dog.) Then we show up to our new place and had that truck unloaded in 30 minutes. It was a beautiful thing. So to show our thanks we bought them a 30 pack of their favorite beer and brought it to their parking lot party the next night. Watching Micah try to do the brother handshake/hug in one sweep was hilarious. He does not have one ghetto bone in his body. Me on the other hand, has a nick name of Jenaynay, theme song is Sir Mix A Lot's "I Like Big Butts" and has been referred to an inside out oreo before.

So I have NEVER bought alcohol in my life and it was kind of a exhilarating experience! I looked so naughty! And I was shocked to find out that beer is cheaper than water. Which I am sure is a sign that the beer was cheap. But that's what they requested so they got 50 cent beers. I've also never seen people get so excited to be given a gift, I'm glad they enjoyed the gesture even though they may have been confused as to why we were not drinking it with them.

So all the boxes were unpacked and everything was put away within a week. I do good work. I will have to take some pictures of it, I feel I did a great job making it cute with the limited space we have. So after being settled other things began to manifest themselves that solidified the fact that we live in the semi-projects. I will list them for you.

#1 - No surface is flat. They tried to make the counter tops flat by shoving a wood block in between the counter top and frame - so there is a nice 1/2" gap at the end. Nice work. I also discovered a slump in the kitchen floor, like a few bowling balls were dropped there. Also no matter where you are in the house, anything remotely round will not stay still; it rolls wherever the floor is going. One good thing I guess is if we ever have a flood the water will probably rush to the corner of a room and drain down to the lucky people below.

#2 - There is a thermostat, but no AC. That was the best trick ever! So people come and look, they see the thermostat and say, "Score AC!" then move in and realize there is only a swamp cooler and the thermostat is a glorified thermometer. At least now we know when it's over 100 degrees in the apartment. And yes, that has happened, twice.

#3 - There are no screens in any of the windows. So when our apartment was 100 degrees I got to let all the bugs in in order to cool it down. Super awesome.

#4 - We have a pool (which is really nice when it's 100 degrees) and a "resort style hot tub". Have fun with that one.

#5 - I got followed to my apartment by two twin girls who WOULD not stop asking me questions all the way til I closed my apartment door on them. May sound cute? No. Not when they do it every other day and keep asking you the same questions. Where is their mother?

#6 - Frequently cigarette smoke smell wafts into corners of the apartment. Just like, by the fridge and in the bathroom. I don't know where it comes from or how it gets there.

#7 - There are multiple camera's in the parking lot. Which I am very grateful for.

#8 - I can walk to Wal-Mart in 30 seconds.

#9 - Because we are so close to Wal-Mart our complex's parking lot is a secondary shopping cart holder. They accumulate over time too. I just wonder why the people who walk them home don't just take the same one back next time. Is it really necessary to get a new one every time and deposit it back into our parking lot? At least there are some shopping carts handy is I ever need one.

#10 - There is a car on jacks with no wheels, windows, or a windshield. I hope they get that replaced before it rains.

Update: The car is gone now, but I have a new #10.

#10 - I came home yesterday and Micah told me in the middle of the night he saw a small red laser beam coming into our apartment through a hole above the light fixture that is above our sink. We don't know why there is a hole there or what is Heaven's name was looking into our apartment, but we stuck sticky tack in it. Hope that keeps the alien's out.

I'm sure there are more, but those are my favorite. Living here keeps me plenty entertained and we are happy, it's functional, and somewhat cute, the people we have met are very nice and all in all, we love our semi-projects home.

My Other Blog

Real quick plug for my other blog - www.kickinkurves.blogspot.com. Check it out...if you can believe it, food with no animal products can actually rock your socks. Try the Vegan Yum Yum Mac N' Cheese recipe. AMAZING.

Weather Fumbles

Snow in mid-April? Yuck. Not even a light dusting, but a flat out blizzard and freeway traffic in the morning. I'm supposed to be in flip flops and a t-shirt, not boots and a down jacket. BOO! Now I feel like painting black over my pretty french tipped toe-nails and listening to some kind of angry music. Go seasonal depression!

Growing your hair out is the pits. That's why I bought mine!

Yes yes, I got extensions. And boy can I tell you how fun they are? Well, minus the fact that I screamed and semi-growled in the bathroom yesterday trying to get them to curl. I was a tad bit frustrated. But after 30 min of well paid off work, I got them curled and they are definitely stayin' that way for awhile. Luckily I have the most incredible husband in the world who is not afraid to use very hot hair styling tools and helped me immensely. But back to why they are fun.

I instantly (well about 10 min to clip them in) have stripper-esque long luxurious hair that makes me irresistible to men and people who want to call me Angelina Jolie. Oh, and my friend Mat made this comment about my posted Facebook picture: "p.s. Your hair looks incredible. I'd say it looks sexual but I don't feel comfortable saying that to a married woman...but looks like I just did! haha! If I were some white trash dude buying a 40 at a grocery store I'd totally write a missed connection about you." If you don't know what a missed connection is - check out Craigs List's missed encounters. It is people admitting to having no balls at the time and wanting a chance to redeem themselves. They are pretty hilarious. I'll attach a little missed encounter snack when I get home and have more time to dig up a perfect example.

Moral of the story is...if you like extra attention, buy yourself some hair!

Apparently kittens don't like change...

Since finally starting the citikitty experiment, one of our cats (I'm guessing Sophie) has thrown up and pooped on the floor twice; with that said though, she has been very thoughtful and done it all on tile. Very easy to clean up. Thanks cat. But going from no accidents EVER to 3 in a few days makes me wonder if she is trying to tell us something. I'm no rocket scientist but I get it. You're pissed, so you poo on the floor. Well listen up missy, you aren't getting your litter box back until you do worse! Or we figure out where you have been peeing...

Tabitha giving the bird - by Jen

Last night Micah was playing with the kittens and hid Tabs under her kitty bed. Next thing you know, we see a tiny black paw coming from under the bed and her middle pad/nail unleash the bird. It was hilarious. Now we know Tabitha does not like to be hidden.

Cacne Pics

Here is what it looked like...

And what it could have gotten to if mom hadn't taken me in when she did!

Cacne - by Sophie

So today my mom told me I was officially a teenager. The story began two nights ago when she scrubbed my chin relentlessly after finding a whole bunch of little black "particles" in my fur - she and dad thought I was just really dirty. However the next day when she checked me, it looked dirtier and much worse, so she decided to google my problem. (Note to readers: There is no way I am getting that dirty - there is nothing I could possibly be playing with all day that looks like dirt...I'm a bonafied indoor kitty! Luckily Jen agreed with me.)

Google suggested two different hypotheses (I'm also a very edumacated kitty) for my problem: it could be flea dirt (ew...I hoped it wasn't fleas) or feline acne. As you might guess by now, the latter was confirmed by the vet today. (I hate the vet by the way, it's smelly there and they always stick things up my bum, poke me with things, make me really sleepy, and shave my fur. First it was my belly, this time it was my chin!) So apparently the two things that make you a teenager are shaving and acne!

Now Something To Laugh At

After that more serious note I felt I should post this SNL Skit titled "Giraffes".
http://video.google.com/videosearch?q=snl+giraffes&rls=com.microsoft:en-us&oe=UTF-8&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=X&oi=video_result_group&resnum=4&ct=title#

there's a link or just google SNL and Giraffes. It is HILARIOUS!

I hate grumpy people - by Jen

Ok, that was a digressed thought - here is how I really feel. I feel sorry for grumpy people. And occasionally, strongly dislike them. You know those people who act as though they perpetually wake up on the wrong side of the bed and it seems as though their life mission is to make everyone feel as angry/miserable/unhappy/selfish/angry/angry as they are?! It is so infuriating when someone insults you, is short with you, treats you like you don't matter, and might actually spit on you if they were really that ballsy. But the best part, the part that really upsets me, is that they don't even know who you are!

Today both Micah and I were blessed to speak with some of these people. It just makes us wonder, "How do these people survive in a world that hinges on having relationships with people?" I mean it's obvious that they are unhappy and probably lonely or the relationships they do have are on the brink of a huge collapse. Yes, they probably get their way and are frequently satisfied with the way they just bullied a 15 year old movie theatre employee to give them free tickets because the floor of the theatre was sticky and their chair squeaked once during a critical moment in the show. But I seriously wonder, down the road, if they ever realize what their attitude and outlook on life is doing to them or others.

This is the point at which I stop being upset and start feeling sad. I wonder how these people get to be that way. They must have some deep hurt or some scarring, traumatic experiences piled up to make them so bitter and dejected. I start having pity on them and try to be understanding. I wish someone would hug them or, or slap them! If not physically then figuratively speaking! Slap them into reality that what they are doing affects people and is affecting them whether they know it or not. I'm done with this rant for now, but hopefully this makes you think and re-evaluate. I know we all have bad days and moments of bad attitudes. Maybe the people I talk to are just having one of those days. But if that is just generally who and how they are, I really hope someone will come along to love them.

CitiKitty - by Jen

You have to check this out: http://www.citikitty.com/. Make sure you watch the video posted on the website. If you can't get enough, check out YouTube and search for "toilet trained cat". There are too many to watch in a day and no matter how many times you watch them, it will still blow your mind and more importantly make you giggle.

So as you may have already assumed...I ordered one (of course). In fact my CitiKitty arrived a few days ago in the mail. (It even came with catnip and salmon treats for the kitties!) Being the environmentally friendly human being that I am plus the fact that I love being odd and doing quite quirky things, I had to have one. Plus, I'm lazy. Two kittens produce a lot of poop. This means frequently dealing with a very "shitty" job. (Sorry I couldn't help saying it - teehee.) We use a very natural flushable clumping litter now, but frankly having our cats do the dirty in our toilet is fantastically better in so many ways.

So please, mark your calendars for about the middle of February. There will be a video deput starring Sophie and Tabith using the john.