Flaccid Penis

I got your attention didn't I?

That is the phrase that distracted me a few days ago at work. Here is the story.

I'm minding my own business at my desk at work when I thought I heard the word "erection" escape the lips of one of my co-workers. This particular co-worker has her masters in nursing and mid-wifery and we sell a sexual health supplement that helps with circulation, so it didn't phase me too much; however it did peak my interest. (I am proud to admit that I LOVE eavesdropping, especially in awkward first date situations and anything weird or slightly entertaining.) So I begin to eavesdrop and also begin wishing that I could hear the other end of the conversation but that's where my fantastically vivid imagination makes eavesdropping fun! So as I am listening I then hear "I don't think the size of the flaccid penis matters." I pretty much lost it at that point. Not because that sentence is not well formed, academically or anatomically incorrect, nor even that inappropriate if said in a doctors office. However, I do not work in a doctors office nor do people talk in my workplace often of genitalia; at least not out loud or publicly. So basically what I am saying is: it was hilarious.

So I start to laugh and my co-worker at this point is now trying not to laugh and this situation immediately moved into the top 10 most funny moments at work. One of the others has to do with an orange peel dropped onto my desk over the top of my cubicle (so the culprit remained anonymous) shaped like a penis, oddly and funny enough. When the culprit was finally identified and confronted, he claimed it was an elephant. No matter what the intent was a) it definitely looked just like a penis - balls and all - and b) the talent to do that amazed me; he must have spent numerous fumbles perfecting this art of peeling an orange - all in one solid peel, no stapling, taping, anything- into the shape of anything recognizable.

The word penis itself is just a funny word. I studied exercise science in college and have respect for the human body and do not find many things embarrassing or hilarious on their own in an anatomical sense, but stories that involve farting, burping, your daily BM, diarrhea, and some body parts is just humorous. Here comes story numero two.

I'm in anatomy lab my freshman year of college, everyone is sitting around a table and we are talking/learning about male anatomy (of course they leave that until the end of the semester). There is a nice scaled down male torso replica/model standing on the end of the table and suddenly, out of nowhere with no breeze or bump, the little tiny penis falls off the model and starts rolling down the table - the entire length of it. (Apparently my apartment counter tops aren't the only uneven surfaces in the world.) It rolled slowly and methodically right past all our notepads and copious note taking. It even made a little sound as it rolled. It took all my strength to not bust out with hysterical laughter and fall out of my chair and onto the floor. Other than my girlfriend next to me, everyone was stone faced. How would anyone, with any sense of humor at all, not find that funny? With that said, I will end now, leaving you dreaming of notetaking, limpness, and laughter.

Life of a Carnie

I am a carnie. I have an obsession with juggling too many oddly shaped things once. I need to be busy. I crave being busy. When I'm not busy I waste my life away on seasons of 24 and shopping online. If I can keep myself busy busy busy I get so much accomplished; as long as I don't over do it and collapse. Oh the balance is like walking the tight rope! Ok, enough circus puns.

So this past month has been full of moving, creating a wedding announcement for my cousin, planning for the wedding, helping her with her makeup for her bridal photos, making a photo book for her reception, getting together with old friends and making plans to go dancing (so excited for that), having my 14 year old brother come for a long weekend, helping Micah with his math homework, trying to sell my car, and still working 40 hours a week, attempting to continue to workout for an hour or more a day, cooking, cleaning, kittens, and the list goes on. I have been looking forward to this weekend to celebrate my anniversary, go get pedicures with Micah, cash in my birthday massage from Micah, watch LOTR extended versions trilogy (it's what we do for our anniversary and it's a kick ass tradition if I may so myself - later we dress up like Arwen and Aragorn and talk sexytalk in elvish and turn each other on - you should see my genuine LOTR elvish robes hanging in my closet) and just plain relax and sleep! It's going to be great.

But after this long weekend (I took Monday off for Anniversary frivolities) I will need a new project. Any ideas? Anyone need a wedding announcement made up? (I'll attach some files soon of the finished project. Apparently blogger doesn't accept pdf formatted files. LAME-O!)

New Position!

I got a call last Friday that offered me a new position in the High Rise at NuSkin! It pays more money, I'm off the phones and out of the call center (finally! - this place makes me depressed). I start on Monday August 24 and will post more about what the job entails and how I like it! Right now I'm just counting down the days. 5 days, 5 hours, and 18 minutes to go. Phew.