Clueless Secretary Prompts Hilarious Office Email Thread

This is the funniest thing I have read in a LONG time. Makes me wanna mess with people more. Enjoy! 

 Here's how the story goes...

Shannon (the secretary) has lost her cat and has asked David (the graphic designer) to help with a lost poster. This is their email correspondence...
Read from top to bottom….

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster

Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.

This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks Shan.


From:David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
That is shocking news.
Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.
Regards, David. 

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
I never said I don't like cats. Attached poster as requested.
Regards, David. 




From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.
Regards, David. 

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.
Regards, David.





From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say Lost.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster





From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,
I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter. I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.
Regards, David. 





From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.
Regards, David. 

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww





From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww





From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.


From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww





From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.

Inspiration

On an overnight trip to San Diego and arrived around 11:30 pm to Budget to get my rental car. Now, Mr. Budget who so kindly helped me, was feeling generous, or horny, or perhaps had other motives, but we will not discuss that now, gave me a Mustang Convertible. I was down for an economy car. Aka - the cheapest one on the lot please! So...Ummm...FANTABULOUS and THANK YOU sir! I hopped in that baby and popped the top down. Did I care that it's only 60 degrees here?! Hell no. Give a 26 year old girl a convertible for less than 24 hours (and she has NEVER driven one before) and OH BOY is she gonna ride in that thing with the top down!

I've never been too impressed with the new mustangs, I can take it or leave it. I mean, if someone was like, "Here's a free car" I would NOT be ashamed to drive it. But to my surprise - that car has some guts! I had to keep slowing down - it was so easy to speed in!

I'm getting ahead of myself and the story now. Whoa, easy tiger.

So I have my little Budget rental packet and had put it away in my travel file folder. Yes, I am anal when I travel. I get to the gate where the dude in the booth looks over the car and he makes me get it out of my folder and recommends I keep it out and in the car in case I get pulled over. (He must have seen the giddiness in my face and KNOWN I was gonna be more of a speed demon than usual.) So what do I do? I set it on the front seat under my bag. Looked secure enough to me!

I even looked over at it at one point and thought, "Hm, maybe I should put this somewhere more secure." Too bad I was having far too much fun driving and I told the more responsible half of my brain to suck it. I am so sorry more responsible half.

One minute I'm cruising and dancing, the next minute I'm trying to grab flying papers that are swirling around in the air taunting me whilst NOT killing myself or other people on the freeway. I managed to grab ONE measley little piece and then WHOOSH. The rest is GONE. Buh bye rental packet!

Oops. Let's hope the part I caught is the important part.

But again, what's the worst that can happen? Nothing that I can come up with that seems worth stress and anxiety. So I'm going to enjoy this little blessing while it lasts, and make sure to put important stuff in the trunk next time. Or sit on it. Or put it in my suitcase. Or put it in the glove box. Or Hell - clench it between my teeth! Something better than 'on the front seat kinda sorta under something'.

After this little "incident"/adventure I'm relaxing at the hotel getting ready for sleepy time and I catch a glimpse of my little brother's blog (it's SO hilarious, check check it - www.cerealislife.blogspot.com) and I realize *LIGHTBULB* (have you seen Despicable Me? Go see it. Now. And Inception. Holy Amazing Sauce) that I need to start blogging again. Before you now, I vow to spit out at least one post weekly. I mean, there is some seriously funny shit happening out there that needs to be shared!

So yes, I'm back. "Officially".

Stay tuned for pics of our new apt. We've been working SO hard on that place. Hence my hiatus from blogging - but it's super hip and modern and we painted. It feels like home, finally. Frankly I think IKEA should award us some awesome shopping spree from how much business we have personally given them and how much they'll get from our apartment that is practically an IKEA showroom. You're welcome IKEA.