Kids

This is a topic that comes and goes with great fervor, always making lasting impressions on me. Like, I NEED BABIES, or OMG I want that $1,000 stroller NOW, or I want to show all the dumb-ass parents out there how it’s REALLY done. Or it’s: how do you handle all the noise these things generate? Why aren’t ALL parents addicted to Prozac? I like it just being Micah and me; I’d have to be BAT SHIT crazy to want kids?! Those are the polar opposite feelings I have about children.

I will admit that now that I am a bit more mature, I have realized being a parent isn’t easy or fun like you think it will be when you’re playing with Cabbage Patch dolls that make no sound or MOVE. EVER. But with that maturity I’ve realized being a parent is one of those stages in life you need to be ready for, like preparing for a hurricane or tornado and even in the middle of the madness of the storm when it’s scary and chaotic, the second it’s over life means so much more. Maybe I’m delusioning myself of all this, but I think parenthood overall is enjoyable. You learn a lot, you grow, you get to laugh at all the funny things your kids do, and help shape a person to be someone good - and even though there may be a complete shit storm EVERY. SINGLE. DAY., like the time my youngest brother fell down the stairs in his walker, crawled through bleach, and “brushed” his teeth with a razor, in the SAME day, you can laugh about it later, and try to grasp at the big picture.

Why has this all dawned upon me? Well for one, I’ve been filling my oh-so-busy days at work with looking at furniture for our hopeful new apt in downtown Salt Lake. I then got sidetracked with cribs, linen sets for cribs, strollers, decorating ideas, and saving links to things I WANT desperately once I get pregnant. Lemme just say this now, we better be RICH! I came home admitting to Micah that I was SOOO close, like, had the shopping cart and billing info filled out close, to actually buying this linen set for a crib (sheets and bumper pad etc) because it is EXACTLY the thing I want in a nursery (I’m obsessed with owls in nurseries) and I will NEVER EVER EVER find something like it again. And there's nothing wrong with being prepared! AND if we started buying things right now, it won't be such a big blow when we have to buy A LOT of stuff. And he then looked at me with that, “are you insane” look and told me he’d leave me if I bought it; and he was serious. Whew. Good thing I didn’t press accept! But take a look at it, I mean, do you really blame me?? It’s so freakin’ adorable that I wanna scream a little. And I'm still considering buying it, just never telling him and hiding it somewhere awesome. (Too bad you can't see the detail, but there are tiny owls in the pattern!)

So there’s x to my equation. Y would be visiting my sister and brother in law in Idaho over the weekend. They have a 9 yr old daughter who already wears makeup and competes with my level of sass, and two three year olds that are 3 weeks apart. This is when I ask myself, really? Do I REALLY want this? My dream of five kids is slowly dwindling…But then I see that smile, hear that laugh, see Savannah running around naked proclaiming “I’m naked, I’m naked” and then seeing her with her little seahorse panties on crooked so in the back it’s like a make-shift thong. Or my nephew Zane constantly reminding and reassuring himself of his gender. “Zane’s a boy. Zane’s a boy.” The noise, the craziness, the mess, I’m sure is worth all those funny moments, but I won’t lie to you; it’s nice going home to just me, Micah, and the kitties.

For now I’m going to continue enjoying the stage of life Micah and I are in now. School, paintings and art supplies all over, the kitties, a shoe box apartment, and jobs we may not love, and when the time comes will enjoy the next stage of life. The insanity of parenthood.