Smells

Not that I can compare this to much, because I've never had someone else's olfactory skills, but I have a pretty kick ass sense of smell.

And let me just declare something.

Some smells that go into your body,
should
Never.
Come.
Back.
Out.

So this is where things get gross, maybe? Honestly I don't really know because my sensitivity meter to what other people think is inappropriate has been broken. Forever. Like how Micah constantly tells me that bringing up my colonoscopy procedure I had done in college or detailed descriptions of my bladder issues in public is not appropriate. Not that he doesn't mind listening, but because I have no control over the volume of my voice I'm basically forcing people to hear me, always unintentionally of course, and that apparently isn't very nice.

So. Here goes.

I love garlic and onions. Love to cook with them. Almost anything would be better with some sauteed onions and garlic added. But the aroma it creates when cutting and cooking is pungent, at best. Micah cries like a little girl that got pushed over at the playground every time a knife comes close to an onion. It's unreal. My body though, must love the way it smells because it lingers for DAYS. When I hop in the shower the smell that I THOUGHT, stupid me, was gone comes oozing back out and suddenly it smells like I'm bathing in a pot of soup.

Few days later, when the soup shower smell calms down, I smell it when I pee. Honestly?! How on earth could something linger for so long?! It makes me paranoid that my natural smell is like a spicy overpowered Indian dish and no one will ever sit close to me for anything nor for any reason.

So there's onions and garlic, asparagus makes your pee just smell downright WEIRD, broccoli, no matter how fresh when consumed, always comes back smelling like rotten garbage and poo. How come GOOD smells can't re-surface? The only thing I know of, is sometimes some cereals make my pee smell like honey and sweetness. I also know others that have experienced this phenomenon. But usually the good smells never come back. Even burping - when you burp something "good" back up, it's always mixed with something nasty from earlier. Like ew - that tasted like ice cream, and baked beans. Separately those two things are amazing. However together they make for an ugly couple. So next time you burp or pee and something's just not right, you'll think of me.

I'm trying to make you all think of me in the most awkward and weird situations ever. Awkwardness makes my day.