The Christian Side-Hug

My little bro Clarke always finds the weirdest shit online. That is why we all love the internet. It's filled with ridiculous nonsense that can keep us entertained for multiple lifetimes. So Clarke had mentioned this rap song about the "Christian side-hug" over Thanksgiving break, and a few days ago Micah randomly thought about looking it up and found it on YouTube. You need to watch at least the first minute of this and if you can handle the terrible beat and rapping, watch it all. The lyrics make me DIE with laughter. I won't be able to fully describe it so it's just better for you to watch this train wreck.

You Tube Christian Side Hug

For those of you who didn't watch it and STILL want me to spell it out for you, here's the abridged version. An evangelical Christian church is against front hugs for obvious reasons. When two people hug like that, their genitals spark up against each other and cause people to instantaneously combust, or have wild sex on the spot. You can see the logic here. *rolling my eyes* They even rap about how Jesus never gave anyone a bear hug. So...is that fact? Do you think Jesus gave John the Baptist a "side-hug" after they baptized one another? Do you think Jesus side-hugged his mother Mary? Doubtful. There isn't anything wrong with normal hugs; and if you have sexual problems with giving regular hugs, there is something wrong with you.

So there are two majorly terrible things wrong with this rap song.

#1 - I understand the idea behind Christian rap, they are trying to be trendy and get young kids into being spiritual. There is nothing wrong with that. However, I have some issues with the fact that they are rapping about Jesus and being moral and then gunshot and siren sounds go off. That makes me want to be real spiritual. I think that style of song accompanied by their lyrics is just completely blasphemous.

#2 - On the topic of blasphemous and frankly down-right wrong, the chorus repeats this phrase:

"I'm a Rough Rider, filled up with Christ's love". I knew Rough Rider was a bad term, so I made Micah look it up on urbandictionary.com. The link is below, but WARNING, it's REAL dirty. So don't go if you'd like to purity intact. I mean, you can't pair up one of the dirtiest slang terms EVER for yourself and then talk about how you are filled with Christ's love and to not give front hugs or kiss. If you're a rough rider, you are doing much MUCH worse.

Definition of "rough rider" from urbandictionary.com

Moral of the story, don't rap about Jesus before knowing the meaning of certain terminology. Or maybe just don't rap about Jesus at all.