Passive Aggressive-ness and Other Non-desirables

I am blunt. I tell it how it is 99.9% of the time. I am a people pleaser type, so occasionally what I'm thinking I sugar coat slightly, but usually I'm not scared just to say it how it is. Those jeans make your butt look lumpy. I don't want to hang out with you because you are emotionally draining. I think what you just said was biased and unfair and think you need to think more carefully before you speak. Get off your lazy patootie and clean the dishes before I throw a fist in the direction of your nuts. You cannot misinterpret what I mean.

I do not understand people who dance around the purple elephant squatting in the middle of the room taking a massive dump and never mention the obscene ever-growing pile of shit. I would walk into the room and start describing what was wrong with this picture down to the details of the particular stench. I like to stare my problems and issues straight in the face, tell them how I feel, maybe slap them, resolve it, and move on with my life. Passive aggressiveness never resolves anything. It will however cause mass confusion and bottled up frustrations and anger. (If you want a good laugh and also find passive aggressiveness entertaining, check out http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/.)

I remember once during a summer visit to home from college, this guy came to visit me. Yes, he was a complete ass and I know that now - but that is beside the point - and we wanted to go out and do something fun. My mother gave me two choices for activities she felt were appropriate or safe...I don't really know why I was given choices at all, I was an adult. Again, I digress. (She knew he was a penis but didn't tell me that until later AND I probably wouldn't have listened to her then anyways. Sorry Mom!) Unknown to me at the time, there was a right, and a very wrong choice in her mind. But when she gave me the choices she forgot to mention one of these choices would make her ignore and hate me for a week. Oh wait, I don't think she forgot. So I chose the activity I wanted to do, went on my merry way and for a week could not understand why my mom wouldn't look me in the eye or talk to me. (Mrs. Cellophane would have been my name....JAZZ. HANDS!!!!) Finally I confronted her and she told me all about it blah blah ....that guys a real creep....blah blah ....I didn't want you to go there....blah blah...you get the idea.

Now, there could have been a LOT of saved energy and less confusion in this situation if my mom, from the get-go, said "Jen, this guy is a creeper, I don't want you going to Miami, I'd rather you just go to the water park (the details are a bit rusty). You can choose, but just know that if you choose the former, I will breathe flames and pretend you don't exist for some length of time." Perfect. No miscommunication, no hidden messages, no passive aggressive behavior. I then could have made my choice knowing I could defy my mother and turn her into the fire breathing dragon lady, or I could chose the less fun option and make her happy. The result of the situation may have been the same, minus my immense confusion, but everything would have been out on the table. My mother would have been mad at me for a legit reason. It is not fair for people to make you feel guilty for something you didn't even know would make them feel bad in the first place. Pretty much the moral here is - no one likes to look or feel like an ass. Passive aggressive behavior tricks you into making a fool out of yourself. It's just not fair.

I also have a deep respect for people's lives. I do not like to impose on people, unless I know they want me to because I'm so fabulous, and I don't force myself into people’s lives. My friend Lindsay's in-laws just called her and her husband up and basically invited themselves to their home for Thanksgiving AND told her she needed to cook for the entire family (I think about 10 people) every day. There was no asking, there was only telling.

Back up the mother flippin truck - where do people get off thinking this is kosher? When did people lose all sense of propriety and waltz unannounced and unwanted all up in your face spitting out commands like you volunteered to join the armed forces or something? I think it's funny that older generations tell us our generation doesn't respects their elders, whilst our elders are treating us like door mats on a overly muddy day. What happened to being polite? What if my friends had unannounced plans for Thanksgiving or what if they just wanted to enjoy peace and QUIET?! Or heaven forbid they were fighting and needed to work some stuff out without a gawking audience! Their options were snatched out from underneath them with no warning. How unfair! People have the right to deny or accept anything. The outside party has no clue, none at all, why you are doing what you are doing, but you deserve that right.

I also cannot stand ignorant people, people with hair so large there could be a family of pigeons living in there - it is just offensive, people who like to put people down, people who have such annoying and grating laughs that mid-pee my body simultaneously stops peeing and jumps 2 inches off the toilet seat, people who don't cover their mouths when they cough or sneeze, people who think they are better than everyone, people who insult your intelligence and there own to sell you shomething, bad drivers, the existence of spam, and butt-crack in public. I also think when I'm on my period I should be able to wear sweatpants 24-7 and not get any weird looks or fired. Or better yet, just get a free pass from life and never get out of bed.

Nuff said.